You have SUCH a pretty face

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Me in May 2013.

Me in May 2013.

If only I could instantly lose a pound for every time someone has said to me, “You have SUCH a pretty face,” I would be light as a feather — literally.

If you’ve ever said that to an overweight girl/woman, I can GUARANTEE you this is what they heard:

“You have such a pretty face, if only you were thinner.”

You may not have meant it that way, but it doesn’t matter.

All my life I knew I wasn’t ugly, but I could never call myself pretty. That’s what happens when you’ve never been anything but overweight — you let your weight define who you are. I’ve learned to hide behind it, to blame the fat for my problems.

I think there was a part of me that was afraid to lose the weight. When things went wrong in my life, when people didn’t like me, when I got dumped by a guy, it was easy to blame the extra pounds. That was better than the alternative — having to wonder if there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I would get depressed about my weight, which would lead me to eat, which would make me gain weight and get more depressed. It is a vicious, vicious cycle.

I let other people’s opinions of me be too much a part of my self worth.

In the last couple months I have told myself I don’t care what other people think. I Just keep telling myself if someone has a problem with me, it isn’t my problem, it was theirs. At first I didn’t believe it, but as time goes on, I find myself believing in my words more and more. I am hoping that change in my mindset will help me along this journey.

There is just something that feels different about this try at losing weight. I think in the past I have done it for others. This time I am doing it for myself.

Hopefully that will make all the difference.

Hopefully someday someone will tell me I have such a pretty face and I won’t hear the subtext.

This post was originally published on my other blog, http://www.fitwithlynn.wordpress.com